Bitch Please

so this is long overdue.

I guess i'll start with this pass weekend...i got to spend some extra time with alex this weekend... he came over on thursday instead of friday.. things were going good till his ex-girlfriend called... i got mad and practically didn't sleep all night. I really try not to be like that... i should feel good...i checked his phone, and no he didn't call her back and he didn't even text her.. i guess that should make me feel better. He also made a point to mention to me that i needed to stop being like that cause he is with me, not her.. which i understand. but sometimes i cant help but feel that he's with me and in love with someone else..

I wish i could learn to over look some of that, i mean things have change so much with us. he tells me he misses me now, and he wants to be with me. he sends me kisses through the phone. He has changed a lot, and hopefully i can start to appreciate that and push my bad thoughts away.

he also mouthed "I love you" to me this weekend... awe.. he could tell i wasn't happy with him while i was cooking dinner, so he went to sit on the couch and watch tv.. well i looked up at him and he said i love you.. and of course i was no longer upset with him.. i hate how he has that effect on me.

But anyways. now on to whats bugging me... cough cough kristi cough cough... i swear she is nuts. I was talking to jamie and kristi opened her door and said bri i'm trying to sleep and then shut her door. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I'm so tired of the whole world revolving around her. She's not the only person who lives here. She's never quiet when i am trying to sleep... AT NIGHT..

She's only taking a nap, i mean come on.

I dont ever ask her to turn the tv down and i never ask her to stop being so damn annoying, so it would be greatly appreciated if she would stop asking me to do things.

whew ok. i feel a little better now.

and now i'm gonna turn the tv back on and tell her to kiss my ass. =]

A wonderful weekend.

So Sadly the weekend is almost over, but this one was a good one. Alex actually came to charlotte to see me, and it was his idea!

Friday he was running kinda late so all we didn't do that much. We made a trip to the grocery store and decided to eat cheap. So we bought hamburger Helper and rented pineapple express.. And well pineapple express sucked.. one of Alex's friends who works at the court said he was good....well he must have been smoking a joint while watching it, cause it sucked.. But that's ok.

Saturday, we did some running around... got some Colombian junk food, and got some stuff for his car.. We decided to eat out sat, so i took him to Buffalo Wild Wings, cause I knew he would love it...and he did. We also rented another movie. I picked out My Best Friends Girl, and it was really good..alex liked it too. And early sat morning .... 2am in the morning...i accidentally set off the fire alarm in the apt... whooops. I decided i was hungry and wanted some jalapeno poppers.. I did them in the oven cause i wanted them to be good... well there was something burning in the bottom of the oven and with my luck.. the fire alarm went off.. I felt so bad for waking everyone up.. but thats my luck. =P

Sunday we went to the mall and bummed around, then headed to his friends apt in belmont (Kara).. I had an awesome time, Happy "Martini" Day..

But this weekend was awesome, I enjoyed it so much. Me & Alex got along the whole time, with no issues what so ever. I think it's the most fun we've both had together in a while. It was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. And also alex was being so sweet, he's usually not very lovey dovey, but sat night we were laying in the bed watching that movie and i wasn't very close to him cause he was on the laptop..but he looked at me and said "Can you get closer, I know your just right there but i miss you already. " AWE. alex never says things like that. But ok I guess thats enough about my weekend. IT WAS AWESOME. =]

&& I hope it snows.

Ready to leave.

Wow what a Christmas break.

Alex comes home from Miami tonight. thank god. I need a reason to get out of this house. I'm not trying to be mean but there is only so much of my family i can take. I'm miserable here. I feel like i don't fit in... not that i have ever felt like i did.

I've always kinda been the outcast in my family.. the odd one, who doesn't share any interest with the others and always seems to bump heads with someone.

and well since it's Christmas break, and I've been home for a while.. it's been exceptionally bad.

Now i remember why i don't bother to stay here on the weekends when i do come home to see Alex.

I feel like I'm all alone here and I feel like every gangs up on me. I hate it.

I have spent pretty much the whole day crying, and now I've got this mess of a headache that wont go away.

I should have expected it, this is how it always was when i lived here.

Note to self: don't come home for Christmas break next year. come for Christmas day.. then get out!

Well Alex just text me, he's home! thank god. tomorrow i can out of this house and go spend some time with him and relax and be happy.

&& oh yeah. I talked to Gary yesterday! his phone is messed up. myspace is the only way to get in touch with him right now. whew. at least i know i didn't do anything to make him mad. but we are def. going to hang out soon! && I cant wait.

So I've been thinking about jobs for next semester. and i think I've come to my conclusion. I'm going to work at hooters on Thursday nights.. since i don't have any Friday classes.. make my tips for the week and be done. I could make more in one night there than i could a whole week at bath and body works. so def. i think that's a good idea.

I'm so ready to be back in Charlotte. I'm much happier there.

but OK anyways.. i guess that's enough for tonight. peace.

Merry Christmas.. NOT

ok..so it's christmas eve.. and i'm blogging. what a sad little life I have.

Alex went to Miami for Christmas. He left this morning, and wont be back till monday. blah. But i guess a little space [a weekend not spent together] wouldn't kill us.. we did have a bad arguement the other night about his "Baggage" ..... it was bad.

I had to work today.. 1-7. doesn't that suck? they made me change 5 tables and a fixture. I'm dead. Then I rushed to my grandmothers for her Christmas ... [my moms side of the family.. cant stand them...yes i am a bitch i suppose] but yeah.. I was only an hour late and still no one could wait on me to get there to open presents.. within an hour they had already ate and opened gifts... so yes.. i ate alone and opened my gifts all by myself.. rude people.

But... my grandmother got me a new pair of house socks & some lotion.. how ironic.. since i work at a lotion store and have more lotion than i could ever need.. but anyways..and she gave me 100 dollars.. thank god for that.

my mom let me open one gift tonight too.. a tradition we always do.. open the christmas PJ's on christmas eve.. every year i open my christmas eve gift i know it's always new pj's.... but they are cute..

I'm ready for christmas to be over with. I'm ready to go back to charlotte.

oh and I still haven't heard from gary.. i think his phone is messed up.. or at least i hope so..cause he should have no reason to be ignoring me. but oh well.

i'm gonna go draw a little bit. peace, and merry christmas

Exams suck.

Well today was an eventful day. I had two exams. Chemistry & Statistics. I felt like this day was never going to end. I woke up at 7:30 to study some more for Chem. Went to my exam at 11.. then I came back here got my Stat stuff && went back to campus for my Stat test. and I didn't get done with that till 5. My whole day was taken up by all this shit. =[ But I did manage to kinda clean my room. =] Finally.

I'm ready for Christmas break. thank god it's almost here.

&& Oh yes... I broke down and Text Gary today... he never text me back?! I don't think I've done anything wrong... so i wonder whats up.... Should I text him one more time??

I've got a lot to do this weekend... busy busy busy. Dads moving back in... it's about time. Lets hope mom doesn't kick him out again.. she never seems to be able to make up her mind on things... she changes what she says a lot too... she always goes back on her word.. so I guess we'll see how this works out.

I'm kinda hungry, although I shouldn't be. I went to buffalo wild wings tonight.. and I must say it was rather Delicious. ha ha ha.

I think i'm gonna sit down & watch a movie, read and maybe do a little drawing. =]

Goooooodnight.

Dogs never bite me, just humans

Why do things always have to be so gosh darn complicated. And why do my emotions always have to be up and down...instead of stable. I know I'm complaining.. but I'm in one of 'my moods' at the moment. I didn't get as much accomplished as I would have liked today. I've been trying to get my schedule done for next semester..and I'm way behind.. Lets just say I fucked myself over. oh well. I did manage to get into one more class..so now I have 3.
I'm kinda upset that I still haven't heard from Gary. I have decided I'm not going to text him.. I'm going to let him text me. Which isn't working out so well.. it's been two days since I've talked to him. It's killing me. I just keep wondering what is going on, it's just not like him to be like this. I don't know what to do about this situation?!
I also managed to burn myself while fixing fries and chicken nuggets tonight...which by the way I didn't even eat. I guess I just waited to long to eat.. and I didn't really want chicken nuggets either.. but it's all I have left.. and I dont plan on buying anything else..due to the fact I only have 3 dollars to my name.... and my mom has decided to pretty much cut me off. bummer.. now what? I starve to my death? I don't know why she is the way she is.. I dont ask that much of here.. just 100 dollars every 2 weeks to buy food with and other various iteams that I might need...since I don't have a job.... and she can't even do that.... she'd rather spend her money on herself...and that's not right when you have KIDS..in COLLEGE... oh well.
So for the rest of the week...it's cereal bars, fruit punch, chicken nuggets and fries. how lame.
I did get to talk to Randy today though.. which made me feel a little better. He always makes a point to tell me I sound beautiful everyday that he talks to me. corny but cute.. He is the one unconstant constant thing I have in my life. If that makes any sense to you? He always seems to pop in and out of my life randomly, but we always seem to remain very close. If he wasn't such a 'guy' I might consider dating him if things didn't work out with Alex. But I honestly think I would have trust issues with him..
I feel like I have so much to do... I need to study... I need to clean my room.. and so much more... but all I wanna do is sleep, sleep, sleep! I need an attitude adjustment.. and shit my finger is still hurting from where I burnt it cooking....
Well I guess I need to go study for a little bit...or maybe just go to bed.. either way i'm peacing out!

First Blog

Ok. soooo, I have deciding to start blogging again. I use to blog all the time until myspace became my BFF. So here I am again.. blogging... where to start? Maybe, why I'm blogging again? I have had very bad anxiety here lately, I mean BAD. I thought maybe blogging would help me get things out instead of just keeping them in my head.. so in conclusion my anxiety might get better. maybe. So to kinda jump into things.. today was an alright day.. Me and Alex [the guy I've been talking to, AKA my Colombian] actually talked a lot today.. which usually never happens.. we don't usually talk during the week that much, until I see him on the weekends. So that was good.. and we actually TALKED about a lot of stuff... and usually we don't always have that much to say.. so I felt like things were good between us today.. I still don't understand why we can't have a label yet.. 7 months we've been together. with no label. I guess it's not that bad.. but I kinda wish it would happen.. but in the mean time I am enjoying myself. I've got my other 'boys' who help keep me busy.. But I'm a little worried about Gary 'my other latino boy'.. We haven't been talking a lot here lately and I don't know why. We usually talk everyday and we usually hang out.. but I've hardly heard from him and I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. I'm kinda bummed. I don't know what's going on. I stopped texting him.. cause I felt like maybe I was getting on his nerves.. maybe I should post this on myspace..so he can read it. ha ha. I wish I knew what was up.. it's not like him to be soo.....shady if you will.. but oh well. I guess theres not much I can do about that.. But on the other hand, I've had someone pop back into my life, Randy, 'AKA my Asian' .. I actually went and hung out with him tonight.. at hooters, my favorite place to be.. It was fun, I've missed him a lot. So I'm glad we've started talking again.. but every time we start talking or hanging out again his crazy ex girlfriend always finds out and blows up my phone.. it drives me crazy.. why do guys always have to come with so much baggage? Just like Ale has a crazy ex, with whom he still talks to.. but we wont even go there.. wow no wonder my anxiety is so bad... I've got a lot going on huh? Well I think we will stop this here for tonight.. It's well past my bed time. =]